Carfax Abbey

Chilly Willy

2011-12-10T07:45:00.003-05:00

Well, winter finally arrived last week and took a dump all over the Metro area.

Of course, I have to have something to whine about, so let me just mention that my van is in dire need of a blend door actuator. Recognize that part? A simple Google search led me to that part. Apparently, that's a little cigarette packed shape box behind the radio of my model minivan. It controls the heat.

The heat.

More importantly, one can not defrost their windows when that cigarette pack sized bastard throws a gear.

Having suffered through a nearly traumatic drive to work through thousands of pounds of white shit falling from the sky last week, I ran out and bought a new blend door actuator yesterday. Unfortunately, my severe lack of self confidence in any kind of car maintenance that isn't changing oil or brake pads prevented me from installing it myself and I placed a call to a friend that is supposed to be coming over this morning to oversee the install, hopefully making sure that I don't accidentally wire the airbag to the windshield wiper controls and break my own skull the next time I try and clear my windshield.

The drive in to work last night wasn't terrible. The temperature was in the 30s, and aside from being a little chilly, it wasn't all that bad. The windshield stayed clear after I scraped it, and everything went well. I even got there early.

This morning, a whole new ball game. It's 15 degrees out. Both the windshield and the inside of the windshield were totally frozen over. Out comes the new scraper.

For all about 4 minutes. Then the son of a bitch shattered. I grabbed the biggest part of the nearly brand new shards of plastic and started scraping, checking over my shoulder for the inevitable appearance of The Chicken Cow. I scraped a viewing slot and headed home. I only had to stop a few times to scrape the window, but I made it.

Unfortunately, I had to take a wicked piss when I got home. There's holy-shit-it's-cold shrinkage, and then there's holy-shit-my-hands-are-frozen-while-grasping-at-my-sub-par-wang shrinkage.

My hands are numb, but I'm home. Defrosting under the Christmas lights.

For the Movies....

2011-11-20T07:48:00.005-05:00

Last Friday night, I ended up taking my mother downtown to see the premier of a horror movie a friend of the family had produced. Since we were "in" with the producer and her family, we got to park at one of the casinos and get shuttled on to the red carpet premier in a stretch Hummer. Pretty nice, although my mother fell trying to get in the back, and took forever to get out of it while all the people lining the red carpet with cameras were trying to figure out exactly what the hell they were looking at.

Anyhow, we sat through the movie. The fact that I'm using the term "sat through" and haven't named the flick should tell you about how I thought it was. I'm just glad the producer, who I've been acquainted with for two decades, didn't ask me what I thought. Holy bleh. It didn't help that one of the "stars" of the film sat in the next box over, shitfaced drunk and yelling throughout the entire screening.

Afterward, we were trying to get the hell out of the place before the inevitable "well....what did you think?" conversations started. Problem - no limo to be found. Calls were made and everyone was under the impression that the limo was outside, but nobody knew where.

Now, it was a banner night for entertainment downtown that night. There was the Christmas tree lighting, something happening at Comerica Park, and Paul Simon was playing at the theater directly next door to our screening. So. Limos everywhere, just not in front of the theater we were at. The producer's mother had me go ask around the various chauffeurs if they were our new ride, even though we were still expecting the Hummer, and there were no Hummers in sight.

Just as I'm getting to the queue of limousines, one pulls up right in front of me. The driver, dressed like someone you'd expect to be driving a horse-drawn carriage in Times Square kind of looked at me sideways and brushed past. I managed to get his attention again and asked if he happened to be picking up for the movie or the concert. He told me the concert and seemed nice enough about it. I turned and started heading down the street back to our group when I hear this snobby fuck making fun of me to another driver. All I caught, through his "I'm better than you" laughter was "as if I'd park in front of this building if I were supposed to be next door. What kind of an idiot even asks that?"

Between my frustration of not being able to find a ride out of there and the previous several hour shitfest of pretentious single-named wannabe Hollywood assholes, hipsters extremely overpriced (and watered down) drinks, and a movie that made NO sense, I'd about reached my limit.

"What the fuck is your problem?" I yelled at the old fuckhead
"What?" he innocently replied
"All I asked was a simple question, and you're going to be a cock about it?" I said. As he started to stammer out an answer I cut him off with "there's a lot of fucking cars here, I'm trying to find one that's obviously in the wrong place. GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU GLORIFIED CAB DRIVER!"

I'm not entirely sure what he was planning on doing, but he started walking towards me like it was go time. Fortunately, whoever the hell he was picking up made a perfectly timed exit from the theater and the old shit had to turn from someone about to get his dusty old ass kicked to Driving Miss Daisy in the snap of a finger.

Ten minutes of sitting in the shitty weather later, our Hummer showed up. My mom ended up taking the front seat so as to not fall struggling to get in the back again, and I ended up with the entire back all to myself.

Then I went to White Castle on the way home.

Cool story, bro.

Bleh

2011-11-16T00:20:00.003-05:00

So, last night at work was fairly uneventful. Even so, I found myself exhausted by the time I got home from work this morning. Climbed into the rack about 8:45, and fell asleep almost immediately. Woke back up around noon. No big deal. I usually split my sleep between the morning and the evening and get whatever I need to get done in the afternoon.

So, I did just that. Got some shit done in the afternoon. Crawled back into bed around 4:30pm. Fucked around on the internet for about half an hour and then laid back to sleep.

And laid there until 10:15. Staring at the ceiling. Not sleeping. Angry and frustrated.

Tonight is going to suck

Well then...

2011-11-14T16:58:00.002-05:00

A whole fuckload of things have happened since I last updated. Several things have not. No podcast - no great loss. No big Halloween anything this year - great loss. I really wanted to do something - anything - this year, but nothing really presented itself. I went to a shitty party that had potential, but was ruined by the people there. At least there was strobe light air hockey and alcohol. The house was decorated all cool-like, but when it came down to it, it was a bunch of people in costume complaining about their jobs. Most of which all worked together.

This was my half-assed 20 minute makeup attempt.

Anyhow. Other fun things. I'm pretty much deathly ill right now. Also, my company lost its contract for the building I work in, and I've been reassigned to a building that's a 45 minute drive away. Well, only 30 minutes from the house I'm moving to in less than 3 weeks, but still. I barely make enough money at this current building to justify the shit I have to put up with (quite literally. There is a volume of feces that anyone short of a sanitation officer should have to deal with), or even the TEN minute drive to the place. Now....everything is going to be different. I hear it's going to be for the better, but I also hear that a state-run lockdown facility is a whole new level of red tape and other garbage.

Bleh.

Cauldron Bubble.

2011-10-10T07:37:00.002-05:00

Or rather, fun with dry ice.

I remember the days of Halloween past when you couldn't just walk into a grocery store and buy dry ice. We had to go to a refrigeration supply company that was a 45 minute drive, one way. Now, Meijer keeps the stuff in a special cooler by the door.

Or. If you happen to order any kind of meat by mail. Not that I would ever advocate mail-meat, we had a box of buffalo parts come in the mail. Totally had forgotten about it, and as much as I love eating buffalo, I was excited to remember that the stuff always comes packed in dry ice.

Now, I have no way of saving the stuff until Halloween, and even if I did there isn't anything that I would do with it that I couldn't do with my fogger. Or my diffuser (where the hell is that, anyway?). It's just fun to "play" with. The problem, and I even remembered from 22 years ago, is that it doesn't last long. To keep a small-ish cauldron going, you had to constantly feed it dry ice. It also helped to change out the water every 25 minutes or so.

None of this could be done when trying to keep a porch setup looking creepy. Especially in the late 80s when most decorations were paper or cardboard that you'd tape up year after year. If you were lucky, you'd have a fake tombstone or two. Maybe some of those pumpkin (or spider!) leaf bags that finally seem to be making a comeback. Surely your bubbling cauldron centerpiece couldn't be down for maintenance every half an hour. What would the neighbor with the real coffin think?

Nothing about dry ice made it practical to use. It was expensive, it had to be replenished often, you could seriously damage your own skin with it (prolonged contact can lead to horrific frostbite), and improper ventilation can lead to extremely rapid suffocation.

But, it's still a classic. So here's a salute to dry ice and all the fun it can bring.
Cheers!

Wait, give him a what?

2011-10-06T14:40:00.005-05:00

One of the few perks of having the life that I do is the potential for the acquisition of some awesome things. For instance: last night, I had something delivered to my work that I have been begging for for months. Literally. To the point where I should have been punched in the face several times. It still would have been worth it.

Let me introduce you to the "death kit". While this might conjure up images of Michael C. Hall, rolls of garbage bags, a leather blade case, and a slide holder....this is something far scarier to most people. Why? Because the aforementioned "most people" will never see this in real life, but everyone knows it's bad news. Hell, I broke open the plastic bag it came in, and the girl I work with immediately became a mix of fascinated and very uncomfortable. She said I was tempting fate.

So...what exactly is it? Well. Have a look.

Get the picture?

Ooooh, stickers!

Yep. Had to go there.

Hey, even fits my lardass!

The two of these I was given are going to be put to a good use for Halloween. I just think I need to make a few alterations as I nearly suffocated in waiting for that last picture to be taken and then have the bag unzipped.

Bounty!

2011-10-04T16:34:00.004-05:00

(Click to actually view entire image. Hooray for reformatting)

From Target today. Well, except for the Pitch Black.

I can't believe the sheer amount of awesome. Unfortunately, the Halloween Pop-Tarts are completely sold out. I'm just happy about the cereal. I haven't had Count Chocula in what seems like forever. Last year, I only managed to get a couple boxes of Frankenberry. The year before, I had to settle (settle? ha) for Boo-Berry.

As things stand, I think the trip to Athens (Ohio. Think "the huge street celebration from the opening of Trick R Treat" type fun) is going to be cancelled, however Cedar Point Halloweekends might be happening instead.

Look for a podcast soon. Hopefully. Still figuring out the logistics, and finding people to put on. Tentatively named "It Is Later Than You Think" in fond remembrance of Arch Oboler's "Light's Out!" radio series. Yes, the one from the Bill Cosby "Chicken Heart" routine. We're going to spend the month of October discussing horror movies (dur). Mainly the Universal classic monsters and some of the modern marvels of horror cinema - Halloween, Hellraiser, Friday the 13th, A Nightmare on Elm Street, and (of course) Trick R Treat.

Now, stop being assholes in the comments.

So long?

2011-09-22T04:31:00.000-05:00

You say yes, I say no
You say stop and I say go, go, go
Oh, no
You say goodbye and I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello

I say high, you say low
You say why, and I say I don't know
Oh, no
You say goodbye and I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello

Why, why, why, why, why, why
Do you say good bye
Goodbye, bye, bye, bye, bye

Oh, no
You say goodbye and I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello
hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye I say hello
Hello
~~~~~~~~~~~
Heh.

New pumpkin.

2011-09-08T09:20:00.002-05:00

This one is bigger and better than my old one, which served me for five good years before finally heading off to that weird melamine pumpkin patch in the sky.

This year is going to be great. Now...if only I had friends to invite to a party.

Season Opener.

2011-09-03T22:30:00.001-05:00

Twilight Zone Marathon!

2011-06-27T12:54:00.003-05:00

Thankfully, the people at Syfy realized what a mistake their "Greatest American Hero" marathon was last year.

Next US TV Airings:
Sun. July 3 5:30 AM SYFY The Trouble With Templeton #2.9
Sun. July 3 9:00 AM SYFY The Rip Van Winkle Caper #2.24
Sun. July 3 9:30 AM SYFY Mirror Image #1.21
Sun. July 3 10:00 AM SYFY The Lonely #1.7
Sun. July 3 10:30 AM SYFY Hocus Pocus & Frisby #3.30
Sun. July 3 11:00 AM SYFY The Last Rites of Jeff Myrtlebank #3.23
Sun. July 3 11:30 AM SYFY Mr. Bevis #1.33
Sun. July 3 12:00 PM SYFY A Thing About Machines #2.4
Sun. July 3 12:30 PM SYFY Number Twelve Looks Just Like You #5.17
Sun. July 3 1:00 PM SYFY The Shelter #3.3
Sun. July 3 1:30 PM SYFY A Short Drink From a Certain Fountain #5.11
Sun. July 3 2:00 PM SYFY I Shot An Arrow Into the Air #1.15
Sun. July 3 2:30 PM SYFY A Kind of Stopwatch #5.4
Sun. July 3 3:00 PM SYFY Little Girl Lost #3.26
Sun. July 3 3:30 PM SYFY The 7th Is Made Up of Phantoms #5.10
Sun. July 3 4:00 PM SYFY Mr. Dingle, the Strong #2.19
Sun. July 3 4:30 PM SYFY People Are Alike All Over #1.25
Sun. July 3 5:30 PM SYFY The Bewitchin' Pool #5.36
Sun. July 3 6:00 PM SYFY Death's Head Revisited #3.9
Sun. July 3 6:30 PM SYFY Long Distance Call #2.22
Sun. July 3 7:00 PM SYFY Living Doll #5.6
Sun. July 3 7:30 PM SYFY Nightmare at 20,000 Feet #5.3
Sun. July 3 8:00 PM SYFY Time Enough at Last #1.8
Sun. July 3 8:30 PM SYFY The Howling Man #2.5
Sun. July 3 9:00 PM SYFY The Monsters Are Due on Maple Street #1.22
Sun. July 3 9:30 PM SYFY The Masks #5.25
Sun. July 3 10:00 PM SYFY To Serve Man #3.24
Sun. July 3 10:30 PM SYFY Where Is Everybody? #1.1
Sun. July 3 11:00 PM SYFY It's a Good Life #3.8
Sun. July 3 11:30 PM SYFY A Most Unusual Camera #2.10
Mon. July 4 12:00 AM SYFY The Midnight Sun #3.10
Mon. July 4 12:30 AM SYFY A Hundred Yards Over the Rim #2.23
Mon. July 4 1:00 AM SYFY Nightmare as a Child #1.29
Mon. July 4 1:30 AM SYFY I Am the Night, Color Me Black #5.26
Mon. July 4 2:00 AM SYFY Nothing in the Dark #3.16
Mon. July 4 2:30 AM SYFY The After Hours #1.34
Mon. July 4 3:00 AM SYFY The Fear #5.35
Mon. July 4 3:30 AM SYFY A Nice Place to Visit #1.28
Mon. July 4 4:00 AM SYFY In Praise of Pip #5.1
Mon. July 4 4:30 AM SYFY What's in the Box? #5.24
Mon. July 4 5:00 AM SYFY Perchance to Dream #1.9
Mon. July 4 5:30 AM SYFY What You Need #1.12
Mon. July 4 8:00 AM SYFY Two #3.1
Mon. July 4 8:30 AM SYFY The Changing of the Guard #3.37
Mon. July 4 9:00 AM SYFY Dead Man's Shoes #3.18
Mon. July 4 9:30 AM SYFY Ninety Years Without Slumbering #5.12
Mon. July 4 10:00 AM SYFY The Hunt #3.19
Mon. July 4 10:30 AM SYFY The Old Man in the Cave #5.7
Mon. July 4 11:00 AM SYFY The Last Flight #1.18
Mon. July 4 11:30 AM SYFY The Fever #1.17
Mon. July 4 12:00 PM SYFY A Penny for Your Thoughts #2.16
Mon. July 4 12:30 PM SYFY Stopover in a Quiet Town #5.30
Mon. July 4 1:00 PM SYFY A World of His Own #1.36
Mon. July 4 1:30 PM SYFY Mr. Denton on Doomsday #1.3
Mon. July 4 2:00 PM SYFY The Little People #3.28
Mon. July 4 2:30 PM SYFY Nick of Time #2.7
Mon. July 4 3:00 PM SYFY The Dummy #3.33
Mon. July 4 3:30 PM SYFY And When the Sky Was Opened #1.11
Mon. July 4 4:00 PM SYFY Escape Clause #1.6
Mon. July 4 4:30 PM SYFY Mr. Garrity and the Graves #5.32
Mon. July 4 5:00 PM SYFY Probe 7: Over & Out #5.9
Mon. July 4 5:30 PM SYFY One for the Angels #1.2
Mon. July 4 6:00 PM SYFY The Obsolete Man #2.29
Mon. July 4 6:30 PM SYFY Third From the Sun #1.14
Mon. July 4 7:00 PM SYFY The Hitchhiker #1.16
Mon. July 4 7:30 PM SYFY The Eye of the Beholder #2.6
Mon. July 4 8:00 PM SYFY Will the Real Martian Please Stand Up #2.28
Mon. July 4 8:30 PM SYFY Kick the Can #3.21
Mon. July 4 9:00 PM SYFY The Odyssey of Flight 33 #2.18
Mon. July 4 9:30 PM SYFY A Stop at Willoughby #1.30
Mon. July 4 10:00 PM SYFY Five Characters in Search of an Exit #3.14
Mon. July 4 10:30 PM SYFY The Invaders #2.15
Mon. July 4 11:00 PM SYFY I Sing the Body Electric #3.35
Mon. July 4 11:30 PM SYFY Walking Distance #1.5
Tue. July 5 12:30 AM SYFY Night Call #5.19
Tue. July 5 1:00 AM SYFY The Grave #3.7
Tue. July 5 1:30 AM SYFY Queen of the Nile #5.23
Tue. July 5 2:00 AM SYFY Ring-a-ding Girl #5.13
Tue. July 5 2:30 AM SYFY The Four of Us Are Dying #1.13
Tue. July 5 3:00 AM SYFY A Piano in the House #3.22
Tue. July 5 3:30 AM SYFY Twenty-Two #2.17

Soon.

2011-06-27T12:51:00.000-05:00

Ahem.

That is all. For now.

Welcome Back.

2011-06-10T13:58:00.002-05:00

It hurt when you went away. Times were bleak. It seemed like all the color had gone out of my life. For years, nothing could replace the feeling I had when I was holding you. I'd wake up dreaming of you, the flavor of your sweet kiss still on my lips. Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime, thoughts of you were starting to fade away like a ghost in the breaking dawn.

Then it happened.

I booted up my Chromebook one late night, and couldn't believe my eyes. Was it really you? Were you really bringing color back into my black-and-white existence? I started asking my friends and internet strangers for advice. Should I even bother this time? Was it meant to last this time? Were you going to leave me brokenhearted after a few months time? What would that do to me?

Then I saw you in person. After all these years, it was like you had never even left.

I don't care if you're only around for a limited time. I want to make the most of our moments together. I want this time, no matter how short, to make sweet memories that last a lifetime.

God damn. I love you. If this doesn't work out I'm not sure what I'll do, save for wait for your next inevitable return.

Please, don't make me wait as long next time, Mountain Dew Pitch Black.

Popcorn.

2011-06-06T14:56:00.003-05:00

Bleed Into One...

2011-06-05T23:51:00.002-05:00

You're not going to find what you're looking for here.

See what I did there? I don't even like that shitty overrated band.

Cassandra

2011-05-28T00:49:00.001-05:00

While Cassandra foresaw the destruction of Troy (she warned the Trojans about the Trojan Horse, the death of Agamemnon, and her own demise), she was unable to do anything to forestall these tragedies since no one believed her.

There are two people reading this. I guarantee that each of them thinks they understand the context. Neither of them are correct.

It is what it is.

Kudos.

2011-04-18T00:02:00.002-05:00

"Big dick in her ass pass out" made me laugh. Hard.

Thank you.

Oh Africa, Brave Africa...

2011-04-17T02:19:00.002-05:00

....it was a laugh riot.

I'm not sure if I should be flattered or overly concerned with the traffic this page has been getting lately. It seems to consist of either two or three people hitting it near obsessively.

Oh, and then one person who should never be reading this checks in every couple weeks.

And then the occasional hit from oversees....which are weird.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On to work things. Apparently, our shifts are moving up an hour. This actually could be a good thing, as nothing is open food-wise when I'm on my way in to work now. With the hour bump, I'll be able to catch the places just before they close. Good times.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do

Hold your breath.

2011-04-05T23:33:00.002-05:00

...make a wish. Now, count to three.

It's been fairly quiet around here lately, if you don't count the two heart attacks that happened back to back last week. I was just getting ready to end my shift yesterday morning, feeling ready to take on one last day of work before I had my weekend (which, for the record, are Wednesdays and Thursdays). I was administering medication like a motherfucker. I was going to finish on time, early even, get my paperwork done, and head home. Maybe stop for breffus.

Then it happened.

I've heard the Phil Spector Wall of Sound before. What I was hit by, entering the room yesterday morning could only be described as the Wall of Stench. I mean, it smelled like a mix of death, foot rot, urine, and feces....mainly feces. I woke the woman up to get a start on doling out some of the 15 pills she takes in the morning, hoping that the stench was from someone forgetting to take out the garbage.

When she rolled over, my hopes were dashed. There was a huge wet spot on the back of her pants. No big deal, I'll change her pants, take them to the laundry, and get back on track. After the 4 minutes it took for her osteoporotic ass to stand nearly upright, I braced myself and pantsed her. At first glance, someone had spilled a chocolate sundae in her lap. Ok. Great. Put on gloves, grab wet wipes, pretend I'm back on the beach in Cozumel. About a minute into it, I heard a mighty rumbling. Exactly the last kind of rumbling you want to hear at this exact moment.

What happened next could only be described as a hot fudge rainbow. I've seen people shit, and I've seen people projectile vomit, but I'd never seen projectile shit before. This woman was rocketing Yoo-Hoo out of her ass at such a deadly pace that my gloves were actually catching splash-back. Good thing I was using them to shield my face.

I had to call for back-up. The other girl entered the room and nearly passed out. I don't blame her. Hell, most scat-freaks would have lost their lunches.

In the end, we went through 2 bed mats, a bedsheet, and almost 2 boxes of wet-wipes. I left work half an hour late. I'm tempted to not return to that room without full MOPP4 gear.

....and not so much as an apology for unleashing chocolate rain.

Come with me
And you'll be
In a world of
Pure imagination
Take a look
And you'll see
Into your imagination

We'll begin
With a spin
Traveling in
The world of my creation
What we'll see
Will defy
Explanation

If you want to view paradise
Simply look around and view it
Anything you want to, do it
Wanta change the world?
There's nothing
To it

There is no
Life I know
To compare with
Pure imagination
Living there
You'll be free
If you truly wish to be

If you want to view paradise
Simply look around and view it
Anything you want to, do it
Wanta change the world?
There's nothing
To it

There is no
Life I know
To compare with
Pure imagination
Living there
You'll be free
If you truly
Wish to be

Funeral March for a Marionette

2011-03-31T02:30:00.002-05:00

Well, another March has passed (almost), and another Hitchcock month is near the end at the Penn Theater in wonderful downtown Plymouth, MI.

I've been going to the Thursday Classic Nights on and off for 4 years now. It's always a good time. You can watch movies that are, (if you're in my general demographic) twice your age on the silver screen.

Anyhow....tomorrow/tonight at 7pm is Psycho on the silver screen. Now who really cares about a 50 year old movie? The only people that would ask such a question has obviously never seen such a film on the big screen.

Seriously...if you're reading this and you can spare 2 hours, starting at 7pm, do yourself a favor and head on down to the Penn Theater in Plymouth. Pay the THREE dollars and enjoy the show. It's a nice throwback to simpler times.

Amanda, Mandy, Amanda, Amanda, Mandy, and Amanda

2011-03-19T23:51:00.003-05:00

I know Amandas. I know lots of them. I work with several. I've dated a few. I know Amandas.

So, I think I'm confident in my qualifications to say that while Amandas have tended to be a little smarter than the ones who go by Mandy, Mandys are always light years ahead of Amandas in the sanity department. This is a pattern I've noticed through years and years of having both in my life.

After totally eliminating one Amanda from my life, I've had her replaced with no fewer than 3 Amandas and one new Mandy. Still the pattern holds.

On the plus side - this time I know not to put my dick anywhere near any of them. Not even the recently divorced Amanda I know. Besides, this round of Amandas all have children. Instant deal breaker. Not that I have anything to offer, but I like to think that I've learned something along the way.

RIP Palpatine.

2011-03-18T02:33:00.003-05:00

Rest in Peace to The Emperor.

Nothing more I can really say. The Emperor was awesome, even though she was convinced her grandson and I were penetrating each other anally.

She was the kind of person you always felt like family around. I guess because she always seemed to treat everyone equal, no matter who you were. No feelings were spared in the presence of The Emperor.

She was part of the generation that prevailed in WWII, and never looked back to cry about the people whose asses were kicked. There was no political correctness with people who grew up in that era, and she was definitely an example of that.

I had a much better obit typed up, but for some reason it was lost. I guess all I can say is -

Rest in Peace, Emperor. You were one of the few people that I feel like I am a better person for having known.

B'gosh!

2011-03-17T01:15:00.002-05:00

Dear reader, you KNOW that I never really mean to space out and not update things. I have far too many stories to leave the few interested people hanging.

Strange things have been afoot. My posts have been disappearing, strange stalker people have been watching this page, and I tried convincing people that I work with that our building is haunted....which was fun...right up until some generally weird shit started happening at work.

I will get into that later.....I soooo promise to. Right now, I'm on a night off, I'm bored, and I'm half in the bag.

Happy St. Patrick's Day to the two people who I know that share a birthday today, the several dirty Micks I know who view this as an actual holiday, and everyone else who decides to associate themselves with being Irish. Well, everyone except for Troy Duffy. Fuck you and your sequel....you turned great actors into cartoons, and what could have been an awesome franchise into a joke. Go die in an alley you fucking half-wit. I never thought it would be possible to get a bad performance out of Peter Fonda....thank you and fuck you for proving me wrong, you self important pelican-gullet hack.

So.

2011-02-24T09:53:00.001-05:00

So, where the hell are my ScribeFire posts going? There have been comments, but they're not showing up when I load the page, and they're not showing up in my blogger post editor.

Weird.

STFU

2011-02-11T01:23:00.002-05:00

No, not John Cena related. This really is about shutting the fuck up.

So. Today we had a meeting at work. In the afternoon. I work midnights. I worked last night, and I'm working right now. I'm the only one who this meeting's scheduled time fucked. The girl I worked with last night is off tonight, and the woman I'm working with tonight was off last night. So right in the middle of my sleepy time is a meeting. Wonderful.

The meeting was typical of any other company meeting. Lots of "rah rah, go team go!" and then addressing some issues. Strangely, a few of the issues directly contradicted each other. Not that I was going to say something. This was a meeting with the team here at the office, and people from the regional office. Getting into an argument with them about hypocrisy would have certainly led to a loss of employment. At this point, I'm not sure how much that would matter.

Anyhow, another reason that I didn't bother to speak up is because we already had the self appointed spokesperson. You know them. If you've ever been in a meeting with more than 5 people, there's always one person who has to answer every question, rhetorical or not, as if they were taking an oral exam. They alway have to chime in with their own personal feelings and unwarranted back-story that somehow makes everything about them. They make what should have been a half an hour meeting take almost two hours.

And, of course, who do you think bookended the meeting complaining about how she has to get home to her kids?

Also, I found out through a coworker's twitter that she can't stand me. Weird. I thought we were getting along well. Oh well, at least I don't have to pretend to be social anymore.

Now who can argue with that?

2011-02-07T08:17:00.002-05:00

I think we're all indebt to Gabby Johnson for stating what needed to be said. I am particulary glad that these lovely children are here today to hear that speech. Not only was it authentic frontier gibberish, it expressed the courage little seen in this day and age.

Now, if there's one thing I've learned at work it's that old people really like watching the X Games.

The other thing, the one that's actually relevant to the title of the post is this:

Old people speaking gibberish in movies is hilarious. Old people who speak gibberish in real life is not. Especially if they tend to pull their emergency cord several times a night. Even more so when they get angry (and sometimes violent) when you can't understand them.

It's sorta sad. Here's a guy who looks like Papa Smurf. Except he's 6 feet tall. And not blue. And only has a leg and a half. He's usually a really cool guy. Problem is, I can't understand a word that he says - usually. He'll need help with something around 4am, and I'm at a total loss as to what to do. This evening, I told him to just point at what he needed. He gave me a very angry wave to tell me to get the hell out of his room, and I'm pretty sure that I could make out "how the fuck are you so dumb?"

He got angry. Really angry. I was expecting him to Hulk out, ripping through his t-shirt and one of his pant legs, and warrior press me.

I kind of feel bad. I mean, it's not his fault and it's not my fault, but there's nothing that can really be done about it. Sometimes I can understand what he's getting at, usually not.

I guess it didn't really help that the only other person on the staff tonight doesn't speak English very well. Between the two of them, I was starting to think that I was in some weird hallucinatory cross between Blazing Saddles' Rock Ridge and Iraq's Green Zone.

Ugh.

Our story, thus far...

2011-02-05T09:06:00.002-05:00

Well, it's been quite awhile. Save for some shitty Halloween posts, and a goddamn death post about my ex-roommate/co-worker, I haven't really had anything to say in years.

So, to catch up on the story...

I work midnights on a medical team at an old folk's home. Glamorous, right? It's not all wiping asses and handing out medication. There's a lot of medical stuff involved, actually.

Oh yeah, I went back to school. I interned at an internal medicine office that really wanted to hire me, but couldn't afford to take me on permanently, but I have a hell of a good reference if I ever need one. I ended up on the staff I'm on now.

I play a shitload of video games in my time off. Mainly Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood.

I finally made the jump to HD and bought an LCD TV a few days ago. I love it, but I hate Comcast for the bullshit "our basic equipment doesn't support HD, if you want local digital channels that we legally have to provide for free, you have to upgrade your equipment."

Oh yeah, I'm posting this from my brand spanking new badass Cr-48 that Google decided to hook me up with as part of their pilot program. I have to say, I love this computer. I'm not entirely sure what I'm allowed to discuss and what I'm not, so I'll leave it at that.

I don't know where this blog is going to go, as I really (still) don't have a lot to say. I'm sure, eventually, I'll come up with something interesting.

Freebird

2010-12-03T02:53:00.003-05:00

R.I.P. Quentin Wright.

A hell of an investigator, a great roommate, and one of the best friends you could ever have. Rest in peace, sir. You will always be missed.

AMC Fearfest!

2010-10-19T18:22:00.002-05:00

Thanks to the guy at HalloweenAddict.com

Tuesday October 19, 2010
12:30 AM Friday the 13th (1980)
2:30 AM Night of the Living Dead (1968)
4:45 AM The Brain Eaters (1958)
9:00 AM Magic (1978)
11:30 AM Night of the Living Dead (1968)
1:45 PM The Funhouse (1981)
4:00 PM Tremors (1990)
6:00 PM Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981)
8:00 PM Friday the 13th Part III (1982)
10:15 PM Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)

Wednesday October 20, 2010
12:15 AM Friday the 13th Part III (1982)
2:15 AM Thir13en Ghosts (2001)
4:15 AM Day the World Ended (1955)
9:00 AM Movies That Shook the World: The Blair Witch Project
9:30 AM Funny Games (2007)
12:00 PM Graveyard Shift (1990)
2:00 PM They (2002)
4:00 PM Thir13en Ghosts (2001)
6:00 PM Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)
8:00 PM Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985)
10:00 PM Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives(1986)

Thursday October 21, 2010
12:00 AM Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985)
2:00 AM Graveyard Shift (1990)
4:00 AM They (2002)
9:00 AM Backstory: Halloween
10:00 AM Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)
12:30 PM The Shining (1980)
4:00 PM Pet Sematary (1989)
6:00 PM Friday the 13 Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)
8:00 PM Friday the 13 Part VII: The New Blood (1988)
10:00 PM Friday the 13 Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)

Friday October 22, 2010
12:15 AM Friday the 13 Part VII: The New Blood (1988)
2:15 AM Sleepwalkers (1992)
4:15 AM Pinata: Survivor Island (2002)
9:00 AM Exorcist: The Beginning (2004)
11:30 AM Pet Sematary (1989)
1:30 PM Pet Sematary Two (1992)
3:45 PM Sleepwalkers (1992)
5:45 PM Friday the 13 Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)
8:00 PM Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday (1993)
10:00 PM House of Wax (2005)

Saturday October 23, 2010
12:30 AM Dead Silence (2007)
2:30 AM House of Wax (2005)
5:00 AM War of the Colossal Beast (1958)
9:00 AM The Three Stooges (Idle Roomers)
9:30 AM The Three Stooges (Spooks)
10:00 AM Frankenstein (1931)
11:45 AM Dracula (1931)
1:30 PM Tremors (1990)
3:30 PM Deep Blue Sea (1999)
6:00 PM Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday (1993)
8:00 PM Constantine (2005)
10:30 PM House on Haunted Hill (1999)

Sunday October 24, 2010
12:30 AM Return to House on Haunted Hill (2007)
2:15 AM Tremors (1990)
4:15 AM The Lodger (1944)
6:15 AM The Wolf Man (1941)
8:00 AM Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (1943)
9:45 AM Pet Sematary (1989)
11:45 AM Cujo (1983)
1:45 PM House on Haunted Hill (1999)
3:45 PM Return to House on Haunted Hill (2007)
5:30 PM Constantine (2005)
8:00 PM 28 Days Later (2002)
10:45 PM Jeepers Creepers 2 (2003)

Monday October 25, 2010
1:00 AM Ghost Ship (2002)
3:00 AM Exorcist: The Beginning (2004)
5:30 AM Movies That Shook The World: The Exorcist
9:00 AM Movies That Shook The World: The Exorcist
9:30 AM Graveyard Shift (1990)
11:30 AM They (2002)
1:30 PM Ghost Ship (2002)
3:30 PM 28 Days Later (2002)
6:00 PM Jeepers Creepers 2 (2003)
8:00 PM Halloween (1978)
10:00 PM Halloween II (1981)

Tuesday October 26, 2010
12:15 AM Halloween (1978)
2:15 AM House of Wax (2005)
4:45 AM Slaughter of the Vampires (1962)
9:00 AM Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)
11:30 AM Dracula 2000 (2000)
1:30 PM Dead Silence (2007)
3:30 PM House of Wax (2005)
6:00 PM Halloween II (1981)
8:00 PM Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)
10:15 PM Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)

Wednesday October 27, 2010
12:15 AM Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)
2:15 AM Dracula 2000 (2000)
4:15 AM The She-Creature (1956)
9:00 AM Aliens (1986)
12:00 PM Pet Sematary (1989)
2:00 PM Cujo (1983)
4:00 PM Tremors (1990)
6:00 PM Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)
8:00 PM Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1988)
10:15 PM House on Haunted Hill (1999)

Thursday October 28, 2010
12:15 AM Return to House on Haunted Hill (2007)
2:00 AM Cujo (1983)
4:00 AM Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954)
9:00 AM Backstory: Carrie
9:30 AM End of Days (1999)
12:15 PM Tremors (1990)
2:15 PM Thir13en Ghosts (2001)
4:15 PM House on Haunted Hill (1999)
6:15 PM Return to House on Haunted Hill (2007)
8:00 PM Constantine (2005)
10:30 PM Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday (1993)

Friday October 29, 2010
12:30 AM Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985)
2:30 AM Constantine (2005)
5:00 AM Backstory: Carrie
5:30 AM Movies That Shook the World: The Blair Witch Project
9:00 AM The Three Stooges (Creeps)
9:30 AM Movies That Shook the World: The Blair Witch Project
10:00 AM Friday the 13th Part III (1982)
12:00 PM Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)
2:00 PM Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985)
4:00 PM Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)
6:00 PM Friday the 13 Part VII: The New Blood (1988)
8:00 PM Predator (1987)
10:30 PM Predator 2 (1990)

Saturday October 30, 2010
1:00 AM Deep Blue Sea (1999)
3:30 AM Funny Games (2007)
9:00 AM Blood of Dracula (1957)
10:30 AM They Live (1988)
12:30 PM 28 Days Later (2002)
3:00 PM Predator (1987)
5:30 PM Predator 2 (1990)
8:00 PM From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)
10:15 PM Evil Dead II (1987)

Sunday October 31, 2010
12:15 AM 28 Days Later (2002)
2:45 AM They Live (1988)
4:45 AM The Brain Eaters (1958)
6:00 AM Evil Dead II (1987)
8:00 AM Halloween (1978)
10:00 AM Halloween II (1981)
12:00 PM Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)
2:00 PM Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)
4:00 PM Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)
6:00 PM From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)
8:00 PM Dawn of the Dead (2004)
10:00 PM The Walking Dead (Series Premiere)
11:30 PM The Walking Dead (Series Premiere)
1:00 AM The Walking Dead: (Series Premiere)
2:30 AM Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)

Spirit Halloween

2010-09-28T21:56:00.000-05:00

And so it goes...

2010-07-27T18:26:00.001-05:00

So. I'm off tonight.

Of course, this means there's a mandatory meeting scheduled today. In the afternoon. While I should be sleeping.

This is really starting to piss me off. Well, this and the fact that the girl I work with is being all passive-aggressive and talking shit about coworkers on her Twitter account, thinking that nobody knows about it. I guess it's not pissing me off so much as it's just an irritating. Seriously, "tweeting" about coworkers?

Season's Greetings

2009-10-01T00:01:00.000-05:00