For the Movies....

Last Friday night, I ended up taking my mother downtown to see the premier of a horror movie a friend of the family had produced. Since we were "in" with the producer and her family, we got to park at one of the casinos and get shuttled on to the red carpet premier in a stretch Hummer. Pretty nice, although my mother fell trying to get in the back, and took forever to get out of it while all the people lining the red carpet with cameras were trying to figure out exactly what the hell they were looking at.

Anyhow, we sat through the movie. The fact that I'm using the term "sat through" and haven't named the flick should tell you about how I thought it was. I'm just glad the producer, who I've been acquainted with for two decades, didn't ask me what I thought. Holy bleh. It didn't help that one of the "stars" of the film sat in the next box over, shitfaced drunk and yelling throughout the entire screening.

Afterward, we were trying to get the hell out of the place before the inevitable "well....what did you think?" conversations started. Problem - no limo to be found. Calls were made and everyone was under the impression that the limo was outside, but nobody knew where.

Now, it was a banner night for entertainment downtown that night. There was the Christmas tree lighting, something happening at Comerica Park, and Paul Simon was playing at the theater directly next door to our screening. So. Limos everywhere, just not in front of the theater we were at. The producer's mother had me go ask around the various chauffeurs if they were our new ride, even though we were still expecting the Hummer, and there were no Hummers in sight.

Just as I'm getting to the queue of limousines, one pulls up right in front of me. The driver, dressed like someone you'd expect to be driving a horse-drawn carriage in Times Square kind of looked at me sideways and brushed past. I managed to get his attention again and asked if he happened to be picking up for the movie or the concert. He told me the concert and seemed nice enough about it. I turned and started heading down the street back to our group when I hear this snobby fuck making fun of me to another driver. All I caught, through his "I'm better than you" laughter was "as if I'd park in front of this building if I were supposed to be next door. What kind of an idiot even asks that?"

Between my frustration of not being able to find a ride out of there and the previous several hour shitfest of pretentious single-named wannabe Hollywood assholes, hipsters extremely overpriced (and watered down) drinks, and a movie that made NO sense, I'd about reached my limit.

"What the fuck is your problem?" I yelled at the old fuckhead
"What?" he innocently replied
"All I asked was a simple question, and you're going to be a cock about it?" I said. As he started to stammer out an answer I cut him off with "there's a lot of fucking cars here, I'm trying to find one that's obviously in the wrong place. GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU GLORIFIED CAB DRIVER!"

I'm not entirely sure what he was planning on doing, but he started walking towards me like it was go time. Fortunately, whoever the hell he was picking up made a perfectly timed exit from the theater and the old shit had to turn from someone about to get his dusty old ass kicked to Driving Miss Daisy in the snap of a finger.

Ten minutes of sitting in the shitty weather later, our Hummer showed up. My mom ended up taking the front seat so as to not fall struggling to get in the back again, and I ended up with the entire back all to myself.

Then I went to White Castle on the way home.

Cool story, bro.